One Christmas several years ago, I was given a tarot deck of the Major Arcana called "The Tarot & You" by Lindel Barker Revell. A few of my brothers and sisters had tarot decks over the years, but it had been just a card game, a novelty at parties. I'd always been interested in learning how to use tarot cards, but somehow felt intimidated by the whole idea and perhaps a little skeptical.

The small deck sat on my bookshelf, left unread for over two years. Once in awhile while dusting I'd take out the cards and shuffle them a bit. The pictures looked intruiging and the accompanying book was interesting to read, but the idea of reading the cards just didn't seem to click for me.

Around the turn of the year into 2000, with all the talk and awareness of the new millenium, I was experiencing a personal life-change of major proportions. It was an intensely introspective and exciting time; more peaceful within than I'd ever felt before. I was awakening to a world of Spirit that I'd never known before.

I'd been playing with my deck of Major Arcana tarot cards more all the time, feeling more in tune and open to the meanings of each card, even taking part in tarot discussions online. I was happy with exploring with this small deck. I wasn't ready for a full tarot deck just yet.

The more familiar I became with my deck, the easier it was to remember meanings of each card. But I was relying on memory of what I was told. The essences of the cards still escaped me.

One day a package arrived in the mail. A dear friend's son sent me his "Native American Tarot Deck" and the book "Star-Spider Speaks: The Teachings of the Native American Tarot". He'd been trying to work with the deck, but felt that he needed to send it to me instead. What a gift!

I eagerly opened it and welcomed it, feeling an instant familiarity and power with the new deck. It excited me to have it, yet I felt a certain trepidation. I was more intimidated with this deck than I'd been with my first deck.

As an experiment, I held both decks in my hands, one after the other. My first deck - the major arcana - felt comfortable and familiar, simple, gentle and kind in my hands. I put it down on the table and picked up the new Native American Tarot Deck. Immediately I was jolted by the change in energy. The essence of this deck was strong, solid and powerful, awakening and exciting my senses. It felt so different, yet it was familiar on a soul-level, like meeting and remembering a long lost lover.

The energy was a bit much for me at the time, so my attempts to read that deck were scattered and disrupted. However, it was important for me to keep my new deck near me, to slowly become familiar with it.

The presence of this new deck seemed to become a catalyst for returning to my first deck with renewed energy and eagerness. As with human nature, I suppose, we seem to return to the familiar and comfortable. Handling my first deck now seemed to be even more comfortable than before. Interestingly enough, the messages and essences of each card now came to me with increasing clarity, not from memory of what others had told me, but from within. I finally began to experience the body/mind/spirit connection of intuition joined with wisdom in reading the tarot. Some kind of emotional, mental and spiritual gates opened in me, where they hadn't before.

Soon, in Dreamtime, I had a most interesting visitor. An old woman - a Grandmother - came to me and welcomed me with a well-spoken, deliberate speech. Welcomed me to where? I don't know. But her welcome was kind and genuine and I repeated her words after her while she grinned knowingly. I knew I was beginning a new journey of learning.

Several moons passed and once again the Grandmother visited me, this time laying out an 8-card tarot spread in front of me in Dreamtime. As I thanked her, she vanished, and I instantly awoke. Excitedly, I drew the spread in my journal. I'd attempted to use others' suggested spreads before, but none had felt quite right as I'd tried to force my memory rather than letting intuition flow.

I excitedly sat down to try out my new tarot spread. I chose my Major Arcana deck , as I was becoming so much more comfortable with reading it.

I sat quietly for a moment, becoming centred. One by one I slowly and deliberately placed the cards as the Grandmother had shown me in Dreamtime. Slowly, gracefully, I laid each card out with focus and attention, each in it's perfect place.

Focus completely in the present, I opened myself up to the Universal Oneness, feeling the mystical and magical power intensely flowing through me.

As I gazed at the card layout, earnestly ready for intuition to come, I then burst into laughter as I realized that I had no idea of what the position of the cards meant!

I asked that the Grandmother return to me, or send others to help, but nothing came for several weeks. I shared my new gift with a few close friends, who offered several suggestions as to what each position could mean, but none seemed to "click" with me. I tried a few readings with the new Native American deck, thinking the layout might have been meant for the new cards, but no matter what I tried, I just had no idea of how to read using the Grandmother's spread.

One typical evening, I sat down to play with my first deck as I often did. However, this night was different. Within minutes, as I layed out each card in the "mystery spread", I knew clear as day exactly what each position in the Grandmother's spread meant! I decided to try it out for several readings, and for the first time I felt the now-familiar flow of smooth intuition guiding me in my readings.

What a thrill to be in the groove of life, allowing things to flow as they should! Big lessons, learning to stop forcing things and allow the gifts to come. My journey with these tarot decks has been fulfilling. The Grandmother has taught me greatly about returning to the Center and allowing intuition to guide me in all areas of my life. And it's just begun!

Too often we rely on what others tell us, rather than experiencing for ourselves what the Creator has intended for us. It's easy to look in a book or search online for what we think we should be feeling or seeing or sensing.

But there is no better teacher than experiencing something for ourselves, in our own way, with the meaning that is meant for us. Each of us has within us an infinite wisdom - none moreso than any one else.

If an answer eludes you, step aside and allow that wisdom to guide you and bring you clarity in whatever way is best for you. Find your aliveness and vibrance! There really aren't any questions.... just a whole bunch of answers waiting to be found.

Renée Deakin's personal journey of growth and discovery has taken her to teach, work and live in several locations across North America. Currently residing in the woods in a remote area of Vancouver Island, Renée has devoted her life work to helping others find harmony and balance in their daily lives through connecting with their intuition. http://www.spiritcircle.ca